‘One of the hardest expressions of self-assertiveness is challenging your limiting beliefs. ‘ - Nathaniel Branden
Day 332 AF.
Last week I shared brief descriptions of early adverse childhood experiences that were key in shaping my core beliefs and fears. Without adding more specific incidents from my early years, I've been thinking about these and other incidents and the impacts they have had on my growth and development, my behaviors, and my relationships throughout my life.
I know that my maltreatments early in life instilled fearful beliefs that led me to avoid potential harm in situations demanding self-defense. Believing I am not strong, and that others will hurt me, putting me into freeze or flee modes of response to threats.
I do believe that my insecurities and anxieties from mistreatment early in life have guided me to choose "safe" paths, missing opportunities that I imagined held "unsafe" risks, or that would reveal my weakness and fears to others, bringing shame. Looking back, I can recall being bullied in school, enough to hide in the library at lunchtime. I know that my fearful demeanor made me an easy target for bullying and that the repeated bullying could only bolster my negative beliefs and fears.
For too many years, I have resisted offers of support and help from others. I have rejected opportunities for new experiences, opportunities for growth and change, and opportunities that came with imagined "risks", all undermined by my "limiting beliefs".
My relationships have suffered because of my desire to protect myself, and also to protect others. Too often I have withheld honest opinions or have not expressed my needs, even with my closest family and friends. Sometimes I felt fear when others seemed angry, I automatically assumed I was the target, and that anything wrong was because I was wrong. I also know for certain, that my witness of spousal and child abuse, ingrained the belief that I would never cause pain to a woman or child. I can recall too many times when I have lied to others to spare their feelings. Lies that only delayed the truth, but could not deny it.
As to how this relates to my recovery from substance abuse ... duh! I was choosing to run from fear and pain and shame, to soothe, to numb, to make it all go away. I have been making real strides in my self-awareness, changes to my behaviors and beliefs, and becoming confident in my recovery. But there is still much work to be done, work that can only be done if I remain sober.
My intent, for now, is to be mindful of when I feel the negative and limiting beliefs come to my defense and to pause for reflection, identify the source, look for the underlying core beliefs, and question both the truth and health of my beliefs. Perhaps I can change these for the better, without becoming a risk seeker.
(* I have included some links to good web sources about negative beliefs, limiting beliefs, and core beliefs at the end of this post. There are many sources of information on the topic of these beliefs that can be found if one looks.*)
My way of recovery is working for me. Recovery may be different for everyone in the recovery community and I wish success to all.
If my writings in this photography project can benefit anyone in their recovery, I am proud to be of service!
Staying mindful and strong!
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Key points - (From Psychology Today)
Everyone experiences limiting beliefs about themselves, their lives, and their potential.
People often accept self-limiting beliefs as reality and don't question them.
However, it's possible to identify and change self-limiting beliefs.
What Makes Us Think Such Negative Things About Ourselves?