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Recovery52 – Week 49 – Trinkets, Tokens, & Talismans
“Your mind is your invisible talisman. The letters PMA (positive mental attitude) are emblazoned on one side, and NMA (negative mental attitude) on the other. These are powerful forces.”
— W. Clement Stone
I am approaching a full year of complete abstinence from alcohol—nearly twelve months not just of sobriety, but of genuine, intentional recovery. Christmas of 2023 has passed, and I’m proud to say I moved through the holiday season with clear eyes and a steady spirit. No urges, no cravings. Instead, I recognized the people, places, and situations that once would have triggered escape or celebration, and I knew—fully—that I was in control of my thoughts, feelings, and behavior. So yes… yay for me.
This week’s reflection is about a small but meaningful part of my recovery: the growing collection of physical reminders that encourage me forward.
Recovery52 – Week 46 – Seeking Truth
“All too often we’re filled with negative and limiting beliefs. We’re filled with doubt. We’re filled with guilt or with a sense of unworthiness. We have a lot of assumptions about the way the world is that are actually wrong.”
— Jack Canfield
In last week’s post, I committed to staying mindful when negative and limiting beliefs surface—to pause, reflect, identify their source, and question their truth and usefulness. My intention was, and still is, to challenge the beliefs that continue to influence me today.
Recovery52 – Week 45 – Challenging Limiting Beliefs
“One of the hardest expressions of self-assertiveness is challenging your limiting beliefs.”
— Nathaniel Branden
Last week, I shared several early Adverse Childhood Experiences that shaped my core fears and beliefs. Since then, without adding anything new to the list, I’ve been reflecting on how those early experiences—and others throughout my life—have influenced my growth, my behavior, and my relationships.
Recovery52 – Week 43 – Pick Up The Shovel
“If one is estranged from oneself, then one is estranged from others too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others.”
— Anne Morrow Lindbergh
In preparing to write this week’s post—and following last week’s intention to dig deeper into the roots of my substance abuse and long-standing patterns—I reread every post I’ve written so far. I’m proud of the progress I’ve made: the sobriety I’ve held, the growth I’ve earned, and the consistency of this photography project.
But rereading also made something unmistakably clear: I’ve been staying safe.
Recovery52 – Week 42 – My Why
“Fear is the memory of pain. Addiction is the memory of pleasure. Freedom is beyond both.”
— Deepak Chopra
Here I am at Week 42 of this photography project documenting my recovery from alcohol addiction. Forty-two weeks of steady work—self-analysis, self-awareness, and daily practice of healthier skills and habits. I have changed the way I react to external triggers and how I respond to my internal thoughts and feelings. I’m proud that I have not turned to the false comfort of alcohol this year. And still, I know there is more work to do.
Recovery52 – Week 41 – Not This Time
“Learn from the past, prepare for the future, live in the present.”
— Thomas S. Monson
Last week, I wrote about a major shift in my recovery journey—my therapist moving on and the sudden need to continue forward without that familiar pillar of support. At the time, I felt grounded and confident in the strength I’ve built.
This week, though, something quieter surfaced. A small current of apprehension rose up when I was reminded of the upcoming time change—the clocks rolling back, mornings growing colder, evenings stretching darker. The feeling was subtle but persistent. Instead of brushing it aside, I chose to explore it.
Recovery52 – Week 40 – Transitions
“A man's pride can be his downfall, and he needs to learn when to turn to others for support and guidance.”
— Bear Grylls
This week brought unexpected change in my recovery support network. After more than ten months of consistent, steady work with a therapist who helped me rebuild my life, I received an email letting me know he would be leaving the practice. We would have only one more session together. I sat in my car for a long time after reading the message, letting the weight of it settle.
Recovery52 – Week 39 – Trash Talking
“To leave the world better than you found it, sometimes you have to pick up other people’s trash.”
— Bill Nye
Last week, I wrote about the need to go deeper in my recovery. I’m confident and comfortable in my sobriety and in the healthy habits that support it. But I also know that I continue to react to events with old thought patterns—beliefs and emotional imprints formed long ago. These often lead to unhelpful or unhealthy reactions, what can fairly be called maladaptive behaviors.
This week, I’m using the SMART Recovery ABC tool, based in cognitive behavioral therapy, to examine and adjust my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It helps uncover the beliefs behind emotional reactions and guides healthier responses. This ABC activity is very useful as a post-mortem to examine past events, learn from them, and be prepared for future events.
Recovery52 – Week 38 – Boarded Up
“Character isn't inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts, thought by thought, action by action. If one lets fear or hate or anger take possession of the mind, they become self-forged chains.”
— Helen Gahagan Douglas
Last week, I wrote about the need to go deeper in my recovery. I’m confident in my sobriety and in the healthy habits that support it, but I also know that I still react to life with old beliefs and emotional patterns formed long ago. Those patterns often lead to unhealthy, unhelpful reactions—maladaptive behaviors that no longer serve me. The photo I chose this week, with its boarded-up windows, is a metaphor for how I sometimes shut out the world.
Recovery52 – Week 35 – Passion Over Addiction
“Passion creates, addiction consumes.”
— Gabor Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts
This has been a good week for me, relatively speaking. At thirty-five weeks alcohol-free, having moved beyond routine urges and practicing healthier habits in both thought and behavior, I feel my sobriety is solid. But I also know—through hard experience—that sobriety is never guaranteed.
Recovery52 – Week 31 – Toxic Media Detox
“Don't let the bearers of bad news become the pallbearers of your happiness.”
— Stewart Stafford
My initial thoughts for this week’s post were about revisiting rumination—how dwelling on the past or worrying about the future stirs up shame, regret, and fear. Those imagined monsters can become powerful triggers. But I’ll save that for another post.
Last night, I felt the early stirrings of anger—an emotional rise that reminded me of the kind of mood that once led me toward drinking. It began after I came across a few news headlines that irritated me. Instead of stepping back, I found a recent podcast on the topic, hosted by people I used to find humorous. Within fifteen minutes, I realized my agitation was growing. I shut it off immediately, returned to silence and mindfulness, and eventually shifted into reading for pleasure. I wasn’t close to relapse—I was self-aware.
Recovery52 – Week 28 – Avoiding and Evading
“We cannot selectively numb emotions; when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
— Brené Brown
I’m a couple of days late with this week’s post. My Recovery52 schedule—publishing every Thursday—has become a quiet form of accountability. Without goals, I drift; without structure, I slip. The delay came partly from a needed camping trip, and partly from wrestling with a topic too big to fit neatly into a single week’s reflection.
Recovery52 – Week 26 – Habit Slipping
“Be forgiving with your past self.
Be strict with your present self.
Be flexible with your future self.”
— James Clear
The quote above is from James Clear’s book Atomic Habits, an excellent read in my opinion. He explains how to build good habits and dismantle bad ones. One of his key ideas is “habit stacking”: connecting a new behavior to an existing habit so the new habit becomes easier to maintain.
Recovery52 – Week 24 – Trust and Fear
“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”
— Nelson Mandela
I’m writing this week’s post on the Fourth of July. Invitations to parties and potlucks have come in, and there are plenty of events happening around me. But I’ve chosen to stay home—away from environments where alcohol will be present. Two honest thoughts guided that choice: first, would I be susceptible to the old whisper of “just a little, you can handle it now”? And second, would I feel left out or unsettled watching others drink? I even avoided grocery shopping this weekend to sidestep the crowds stocking up for celebrations. It simply felt wiser.
Recovery52 – Week 18 – The Addictive Voice
“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”
— Deepak Chopra
Another solid week in recovery. A good week, really. I’ve had several topics waiting in the wings for this project — often teasing which one might come next — but once again I let last week’s idea simmer and chose to write about something that surfaced unexpectedly yesterday: the subtle, familiar whisper of the addictive voice.
Recovery52 – Week 17 – Now & Then
“Sometimes, we motivate ourselves by thinking of what we want to become. Sometimes, we motivate ourselves by thinking about who we don’t ever want to be again.”
— Shane Niemeyer
This past week has been stable — without stumbles, not even close — but also without any celebratory wins. A recent knee injury has limited my movement and kept me from nature walks. I’ve noticed “triggered” sensations tied to old associations and have let them pass mindfully, without harm. I’ve been a bit more irritable, finding frustration in ordinary moments. I’ve caught myself slipping into cynical thinking — quick judgments, assumptions without facts. But self-awareness has helped me pause, reassess, and reframe my thoughts in more grounded, positive ways. Mindfulness isn’t always easy, but it’s always necessary for my sobriety.
Recovery52 – Week 15 – Happy Birthday to Me
“Recovery is not simple abstinence. It’s about healing the brain, remembering how to feel, learning how to make good decisions, becoming the kind of person who can engage in healthy relationships, cultivating the willingness to accept help from others, daring to be honest, and opening up to doing.”
— Debra Jay
This week felt like a genuine success — even a reason to celebrate. Tuesday was my 65th birthday, a milestone for many people, and my first truly sober birthday in four years. I fully enjoyed the clarity and steadiness that recovery has given me. For the first time in years, I woke the next morning without a hangover, without shame, without regret. I felt grounded, clear, and hopeful about what lies ahead on this journey.
Recovery52 – Week 12 – Boredom is a Choice
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”
— Socrates
Another week sober. Another week appreciating what sobriety feels like in my body and mind. Last week I thought I would tackle one of my fears, but something else pushed its way to the front again — boredom. Not the mild kind, but the deeper version tied to my history.
Recovery52 – Week 09 – A Time to Celebrate
“Celebrate yourself... and stay positive!”
— Khoudia Diop
Eighty days sober. One more than my longest stretch last year — and it feels different this time. The number itself is small, but the meaning behind it carries real weight. Today marks a turning point, not because I’ve crossed some grand threshold, but because I’m seeing myself grow in ways I didn’t trust were possible a year ago.
Recovery52 – Week 07 – Attention to the Moment
“The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness. Mindfulness means being awake.”
— Jon Kabat-Zinn
This project keeps bringing me back to its purpose: living a sober life with intention — and finding happiness in that choice. This week is steady: no lapses, no desire to be altered. I hiked and photographed, read, worked jigsaw puzzles, planned my days, and exercised. I also minimized social and news media intake. I finally arranged health-care coverage after going without it for a couple of years and completed an at-home sleep apnea test. I’m staying the course; the direction is good.