“Passion creates, addiction consumes.”
— Gabor Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts
This has been a good week for me, relatively speaking. At thirty-five weeks alcohol-free, having moved beyond routine urges and practicing healthier habits in both thought and behavior, I feel my sobriety is solid. But I also know—through hard experience—that sobriety is never guaranteed.
I’ve abstained before. I can recall three serious attempts at sobriety after drinking became a problem in my life, only to return to the false comfort of numbness or altered awareness. Those attempts were what I now think of as “white-knuckle recovery”—efforts held together by fear, willpower, and desperation, but without the deeper internal work needed to sustain change.
The difference this time is that I have changed. I’ve worked to understand myself through self-awareness, with support from loved ones and a good therapist. I’ve recognized how my old ways of thinking kept me on a path that was slowly destroying me. I’ve practiced mindfulness, learned to accept reality instead of hiding from it, and begun choosing wise responses instead of blind reactions.
Most importantly, I’m excited about sobriety this time—truly excited. And I feel passionate about creating—creating a better version of myself, creating more meaningful relationships, creating art with my photography, and creating my future. Creativity restores meaning to my life in ways alcohol never could.