“Life is not what it’s supposed to be. It’s what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”
— Aleatha Romig, Consequences
As a follow-up to last week’s reflection on defense mechanisms, this week I’ve been thinking about coping mechanisms—what they are, how they function, and the ways I’ve used them in both healthy and unhealthy ways. My goal is to connect past alcohol misuse with ineffective or maladaptive coping strategies while becoming more aware of how I currently respond to stress.
Coping mechanisms are the conscious strategies we use to handle stress, while defense mechanisms are unconscious reactions—deeply rooted, often fear-based, and automatic.
Significant life events—even positive ones—can create stress, and how we adjust depends on our thoughts, behaviors, and emotional responses. Coping strategies generally fall into problem-focused or emotion-focused approaches. They can also be described as active (addressing the issue directly) or avoidant (evading the issue). Maladaptive coping describes methods that may help temporarily but become harmful long-term.
I reviewed several sources this week, including a helpful overview from GoodTherapy, and reflected on which coping strategies I tend to use.
Primary coping styles I relate to:
• Support: Talking with others, asking for help.
• Relaxation: Time in nature, meditation, quiet time.
• Problem-solving: Identifying a problem and developing possible solutions.
• Humor: Helpful at times, but easy for me to overuse.
• Physical activity: Exercise, hiking, and movement reduce my stress.
Maladaptive coping mechanisms I recognize in myself:
• Escape: Withdrawing or isolating.
• Unhealthy self-soothing: TV binges or distractions that become numbing.
• Numbing: For me, binge drinking—my most damaging coping mechanism in the past.
• Compulsions or risk-taking: Not a major area for me, but worth being aware of.
• Self-harm: Not part of my history, but important to acknowledge as a possibility for others.
Even though my recovery is solid and growing stronger, I still slip into avoidant coping at times—ways of ignoring, escaping, or deflecting rather than addressing what needs attention. My recovery tools, especially mindfulness and journaling, help me catch these patterns and shift toward healthier responses.
The work ahead remains the same: breaking old patterns, being honest with myself and others, practicing vulnerability, and choosing coping strategies that support my well-being. Healthy coping is a learned skill, and I’m committed to learning it.