"Learn from the past, prepare for the future, live in the present."
~ Thomas S. Monson
Day 304 AF.
Last week, I wrote about a change in my recovery journey with my therapist moving to another job and my continuing forward without that pillar of sobriety, feeling very confident.
This week I felt a rise in apprehension when reminded about the upcoming time change, with clocks being rolled back one hour, giving us more light in the mornings, but also bringing longer and darker evenings. I became curious about this apprehension and chose to try and understand it.
Thoughts of where I was last year at this time came to mind, having had a relapse and binge episode in early November of 2022. Continued reflection brought forth memories of a string of repeated stumbles, moving through the fall and the winter, ending with my last binge into the New Year of 2023. These were hard episodes, causing much suffering to myself and the people in my life. I would get up shakily, and move forward in abstinence for several days or even a few weeks, memory of the pain receding. But, again I would latch onto that thought, "I can handle it, this time." Or just choosing not to think at all, just wanting the overwhelm and the dark to recede, not wanting to feel or deal.
I think a detailed narrative of one of my serious relapse episodes can fill a future post as a reminder to myself and others of problem drinking, but I want to make a point here that relates to the opening quote above and proves to me my change in thinking and behaving in my recovery.
I sensed an apprehension about the future and chose to engage the feeling rather than let it settle onto a pile of nebulous fears. I recalled failures in the past that I choose not to repeat. I felt both pride and strength in my recovery efforts, knowledge, and skills. Being mindful, living in the present, and not being caught up in rumination and worry keep me grounded in recovery.
I want to make it clear that this is just a real example of processing the feeling of apprehension from a specific cause. I still have worries over past decisions, finances, relationships, uncertainty about my future, and certainty in my recovery. I am aware of the need to give attention to each of these areas. I also know the wisdom of giving myself permission to enjoy other activities that bring calm and focus during lonely periods, such as photography, reading for pleasure, jigsaw puzzles, and time in nature.
The coming change in season, with the wet, cold, and dark of winter will not dim the light of my recovery!
My way of recovery is working for me. Recovery may be different for everyone in the recovery community and I wish success to all.
If my writings in this photography project can benefit anyone in their recovery, I am proud to be of service!
Staying mindful and strong!
instagram.com/bobd.photography
#Recovery52 #recovery #sobriety #addictionrecovery #smartrecovery #mindfulrecovery #creativerecovery #secularreocovery #soberphotography #photography #photographyproject #photoproject
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* Inspired by REBT, SMART Recovery’s tool “THE ABCs of COPING WITH URGES” is a powerful way to deeply examine the beliefs we form after problems arise in our lives. We can’t always solve the problems themselves, but we can change what we believe and feel about them, and what we do (or don’t do) in response.
SMART Recovery
https://www.smartrecovery.org/
ABC Tool
https://www.smartrecovery.org/new-video-release-the-abcs-of-coping-with-urges/