“Learn to slow down. Get lost intentionally. Observe how you judge both yourself and those around you.” — Tim Ferriss
Here I am, working on the 22nd of the 52 weekly posts in this Recovery journey and photography project. I wasn’t sure which topic resonated most this week—several ideas have been circling in my mind, each deserving more space than a single-page reflection can offer. Themes of self and ego, of a higher power, of addiction and neuroscience—all fascinating, all complex, all still works in progress for me.
After some contemplation, a session with my counselor, and a few moments that triggered judgment toward myself and others, I decided to return to something that has helped me before: meditation.
I began a daily meditation practice in the summer of 2020, perhaps prompted by lockdown anxieties, and found it deeply calming. It paired well with other healthy habits I held at the time—exercise, mindfulness, healthy eating, sobriety. But just as I let my fitness routine slip, I let meditation fall away too. The classic chicken-and-egg question arises: did the loss of healthy habits make me more vulnerable to relapse, or did repeated relapses make it harder to return to my healthy habits? Perhaps both.
Either way, insobriety is a dead end.
Mindfulness—the moment-to-moment awareness of thoughts and feelings—has become one of my strongest tools in sobriety. But I believe that going beyond mindfulness and practicing meditation with intention can offer another solid pillar of support. I have the time, and I have the willingness. Now I want to examine my daily routine and make meditation a priority again. Likely, it will be the first thing I do each morning, before caffeine or activity spin me up. That means shifting habits, but change can be refreshing.
My intention for meditation may center on gratitude or concern, or it may be nothing at all—a quiet stream of presence, letting peace settle for a few minutes. I’ll begin with five-minute sessions, using my phone as a timer, gradually increasing as I feel moved. My practice will be silent: breathing, perhaps a gentle body scan, calling myself back to center when I wander. Guided meditations tend to distract me, and even soft music pulls me away from stillness.
Intentional meditation will now be part of my “inventory.” I’ll see how it unfolds.