“Success requires enough optimism to provide hope and enough pessimism to prevent complacency.” — David Myers
One week past breaking last year’s sobriety record. Friends and family congratulated me, and I felt genuine pride — not the kind that feels shaky or forced, but a real sense of having earned something. It’s a moment worth acknowledging.
But I’ve been here before. Early recovery often brings clarity and confidence, and then — without noticing — overconfidence. I start to feel safe again, almost comfortable, and I let the memory of pain fade. The withdrawals, the guilt, the hiding, the hurt I caused myself and others — all of it drifts into the background. And that’s when complacency creeps in.
When I think about my lapses, I can rarely point to a single, clean trigger. Sometimes it’s a quiet rationalization: just a little, just tonight, I can handle it now. Other times it’s raw defiance — screw it. A decision made without thought, or maybe with too much emotion. The pattern is unmistakable: I slip most easily when I assume I’m past slipping.
This time, mindfulness is helping me slow down. Recovery isn’t a finish line I cross one day — it’s a daily practice. Milestones matter, and I’m proud of this one, but they don’t protect me from the realities of addiction. If I let myself drift into ease or assume I’ve got this, I open the door to the same patterns that hurt me before.
At the same time, living with constant hypervigilance isn’t healthy either. White-knuckling through every day is exhausting and discouraging. I don’t want sobriety to feel like deprivation or fear. Somewhere between complacency and panic is a place of balance — a place where awareness and acceptance can coexist.
Mindfulness helps me find that place. It lets me see the potholes before I hit them — the old familiar curves in the road where I’ve slipped before. It doesn’t eliminate fear or craving or doubt, but it lets me meet them with intention. The journey continues, and maybe it’s time I take a deeper look at the fears that still linger beneath the surface.