“Character isn't inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts, thought by thought, action by action. If one lets fear or hate or anger take possession of the mind, they become self-forged chains.”
— Helen Gahagan Douglas
Last week, I wrote about the need to go deeper in my recovery. I’m confident in my sobriety and in the healthy habits that support it, but I also know that I still react to life with old beliefs and emotional patterns formed long ago. Those patterns often lead to unhealthy, unhelpful reactions—maladaptive behaviors that no longer serve me. The photo I chose this week, with its boarded-up windows, is a metaphor for how I sometimes shut out the world.
Many of my recent posts have been soft and safe, avoiding deeper honesty. I often hold back thoughts if I worry someone may take offense or feel hurt. In conversations with my therapist and trusted friends, I’ve realized that my recovery will stall if I don’t work directly with my emotional “stuff.” This project began as a tool for my own healing, and I reminded myself that even if no one else ever read these posts, they would still matter. They still help me. And if they help others, that’s a bonus.
Now it’s time to continue my healing work. For that, I’m leaning into a tool I learned through SMART Recovery—an exercise based in cognitive behavioral therapy called the ABC model. It helps uncover the thoughts and beliefs behind emotional reactions and guides healthier responses.
Here is an example from today:
Activating Event: While walking in nature this morning, I visited a well-known arboretum and forestry center. I saw multiple windows shattered and boarded with plywood—serious, recent vandalism. Transit workers told me it was caused by climate activists protesting forest policy. I felt immediate anger.
Belief: I despise vandalism and destruction. My instinct is toward retributive justice—I want those responsible to face consequences.
Consequence: I recognized quickly that this anger would not push me toward drinking, as it once might have. But I still carried the anger with me for much of the day.
Dispute: This is where I’m meant to question whether my belief is true or helpful. I know it needs refinement, but I’m not ready to abandon it.
Effective New Belief: Much vandalism is out of my control. I can acknowledge my anger, accept it, and then release it through mindful breathing and grounding techniques rather than letting it poison the day.
This was just one example, but I plan to continue using the ABC model to work through deeper triggers, old wounds, and long-standing beliefs. Pushing these feelings down out of fear of upsetting others is dishonest—to them and to myself. It’s time to break the chains.