“We cannot selectively numb emotions; when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
— Brené Brown
Unapologetically, I find myself circling the edges of fear again—resistant to diving straight into the deep. Last week I wrote about exploring the fears that hold me back: fears of hurting myself or others, of being hurt by others, and the very human fear of uncertainty. These fears were shaped over a lifetime, living both in the mind and the body. But this topic requires honesty and vulnerability, and I don’t feel ready to reveal more without additional contemplation and conversations with people I trust.
So this week, I’m letting myself lean into pride and gratitude for my sobriety. This has been a good week. I spent meaningful time with others and was able to be of service. I had creative time with photography and contemplative time through journaling, planning, and mindfulness. My meditation practice continues. I’ve rested, exercised, and slept well. I am grateful for my physical health and mental clarity. I am sober.
Of course, I’ve still had moments of moodiness and irritation—everyday annoyances like traffic, discovering sour milk just when I wanted breakfast, dropping my phone irretrievably between the seat and console while driving, or finding my parking space taken by a “jerk.” I felt myself slipping into old patterns of rumination and worry, but I recognized my state quickly and returned to the present.
In perspective, I am very fortunate. My struggles are real but manageable. Others in my life are carrying far heavier burdens—a family member in poor health, a close friend going through treatment for a serious medical condition. And although I see the daily headlines designed to agitate and divide, I try not to dwell on them.
I’ve also been reacting to the “toxic positivity” that seems to dominate quotes, memes, and recovery groups online. I’ll mention “The Law of Attraction” specifically, as its premises feel dubious at best and potentially harmful. Life and recovery are hard and cannot be reduced to forced cheerfulness. Both positive and negative emotions must be acknowledged, validated, and felt.
A quote from a SMART Recovery meeting stays with me: “You have to feel your feelings.” Paired with the Brené Brown quote above, this idea is central for me right now. I used to drink to avoid emotional pain. In doing so, I also numbed joy, connection, opportunity, and meaning. Alcohol froze me; fear kept me from thawing.
My sobriety continues. My recovery work moves forward. And my gratitude grows—for loved ones, family, friends, and the broader recovery communities who walk beside me.