“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor E. Frankl
Last week, I thought I would write about relapse, but as this week unfolds, my reflections are pulling me toward something more immediate: the space between reaction and response.
My counselor recently used the phrase “pause points” while we were discussing my repeated lapses with alcohol. The idea sticks with me. My lapses often happen when I surrender to urges — seeking relief from anxiety or trying to amplify fleeting good feelings. It’s usually a swirl of conflicting emotions that pushes me into blind reaction mode, blunting rational thought and giving myself permission to think, “Just one drink,” or “Just tonight.”
Nonsense. When I’m sober and clear, I know drinking is never okay for me. My history shows this. I’m one of those people without an off switch — “If one is good, more is better.”
The concept of pause points distills Frankl’s idea into something immediate and practical. It reflects what I learned through SMART Recovery and cognitive behavioral therapy: there is a moment — brief but powerful — when awareness can interrupt habit. Too often, I react without thought, sliding toward a lapse. The challenge is to recognize when I’m entering that slope and pause before taking the first step.
Knowing I’m at a pause point means using that space to imagine the consequences ahead. I can picture the hurt that follows a lapse, or the pride and strength that come from choosing health. For me, that choice must always be abstinence.
To separate reaction from response, I’ve found three tools particularly helpful:
Urge log — recording urges to spot patterns and identify triggers, especially in pre- and early-recovery.
Mindfulness — staying present rather than getting lost in rumination or worry.
Journaling — tracking thoughts and behaviors as a record and a problem-solving tool.
Each of these tools will receive more attention in future posts, as they are shaping my current effort to find clarity and steadiness through abstinence.