Featured Posts
Recovery52 – Week 45 – Challenging Limiting Beliefs
“One of the hardest expressions of self-assertiveness is challenging your limiting beliefs.”
— Nathaniel Branden
Last week, I shared several early Adverse Childhood Experiences that shaped my core fears and beliefs. Since then, without adding anything new to the list, I’ve been reflecting on how those early experiences—and others throughout my life—have influenced my growth, my behavior, and my relationships.
Recovery52 – Week 41 – Not This Time
“Learn from the past, prepare for the future, live in the present.”
— Thomas S. Monson
Last week, I wrote about a major shift in my recovery journey—my therapist moving on and the sudden need to continue forward without that familiar pillar of support. At the time, I felt grounded and confident in the strength I’ve built.
This week, though, something quieter surfaced. A small current of apprehension rose up when I was reminded of the upcoming time change—the clocks rolling back, mornings growing colder, evenings stretching darker. The feeling was subtle but persistent. Instead of brushing it aside, I chose to explore it.
Recovery52 – Week 39 – Trash Talking
“To leave the world better than you found it, sometimes you have to pick up other people’s trash.”
— Bill Nye
Last week, I wrote about the need to go deeper in my recovery. I’m confident and comfortable in my sobriety and in the healthy habits that support it. But I also know that I continue to react to events with old thought patterns—beliefs and emotional imprints formed long ago. These often lead to unhelpful or unhealthy reactions, what can fairly be called maladaptive behaviors.
This week, I’m using the SMART Recovery ABC tool, based in cognitive behavioral therapy, to examine and adjust my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It helps uncover the beliefs behind emotional reactions and guides healthier responses. This ABC activity is very useful as a post-mortem to examine past events, learn from them, and be prepared for future events.
Recovery52 – Week 38 – Boarded Up
“Character isn't inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts, thought by thought, action by action. If one lets fear or hate or anger take possession of the mind, they become self-forged chains.”
— Helen Gahagan Douglas
Last week, I wrote about the need to go deeper in my recovery. I’m confident in my sobriety and in the healthy habits that support it, but I also know that I still react to life with old beliefs and emotional patterns formed long ago. Those patterns often lead to unhealthy, unhelpful reactions—maladaptive behaviors that no longer serve me. The photo I chose this week, with its boarded-up windows, is a metaphor for how I sometimes shut out the world.
Recovery52 – Week 32 – Governing the Kingdom
“A little kingdom I possess, where thoughts and feelings dwell; And very hard the task I find of governing it well.”
— Louisa May Alcott
As I enter another week of recovery, I’m reminded how much of this journey is about managing my inner world—my thoughts, feelings, and reactions. This week brought several events that stirred strong emotions and challenged my sense of balance.
Recovery52 – Week 30 – My Coping Styles
“Life is not what it’s supposed to be. It’s what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”
— Aleatha Romig, Consequences
As a follow-up to last week’s reflection on defense mechanisms, this week I’ve been thinking about coping mechanisms—what they are, how they function, and the ways I’ve used them in both healthy and unhealthy ways. My goal is to connect past alcohol misuse with ineffective or maladaptive coping strategies while becoming more aware of how I currently respond to stress.
Recovery52 – Week 29 – Defense Mechanisms
“By not risking discomfort, you honor stagnation.”
— Paul Colaianni
In last week’s post, I set the intention to look more closely at my avoidant behaviors and evasiveness. Up to this point, many of my reflections have been safe topics—important, yes, but not yet digging into the deeper reasons or emotional damage tied to my history with alcohol. My recovery feels steady and strong today, but I’m aware that lasting change requires more than behavioral adjustments. If I improve my habits but avoid examining the deeper beliefs and emotional patterns that once drove me toward escape and numbing, then the risk of relapse remains.
Recovery52 – Week 27 – Trigger Stacking
“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.”
— James Thurber
In last week’s reflection, I wrote about “habit slipping” as a factor that can precede relapse. Letting healthy routines slide leaves me feeling unsettled, anxious, and emotionally off balance. With awareness, I recognized another pattern that played a role in past relapses—what I now call “trigger stacking.”
Recovery52 – Week 23 – Anticipation, Awareness, and Achievement
“It’s not the destination, it's the journey.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
I’m a little late with this week’s post because I spent four days on a road trip with a close friend. The first two days were spent enjoying the scenery, stopping for photos, and sharing good memories. The last two days were the real work: loading a moving truck, driving twelve hours with frequent stops, then unloading everything at the end. Knowing the purpose of the trip would be stressful, we planned a slower start so we could savor the journey before the hard labor began.
The details aren’t necessary here, but the mission was a success. Everything in the California storage unit fit into the U-Haul, we avoided breakdowns and injuries, made it back to Portland on schedule, and we captured some great images from the Northern California Redwoods and coastline.
Recovery52 – Week 22 – Finding Calm with Intention Meditation
“Learn to slow down. Get lost intentionally. Observe how you judge both yourself and those around you.” — Tim Ferriss
Here I am, working on the 22nd of the 52 weekly posts in this Recovery journey and photography project. I wasn’t sure which topic resonated most this week—several ideas have been circling in my mind, each deserving more space than a single-page reflection can offer. Themes of self and ego, of a higher power, of addiction and neuroscience—all fascinating, all complex, all still works in progress for me.
After some contemplation, a session with my counselor, and a few moments that triggered judgment toward myself and others, I decided to return to something that has helped me before: meditation.
Recovery52 – Week 20 – Taking Inventory
“Ask yourself if what you're doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.”
— Paulo Coelho
In recent posts, I’ve written about using mindfulness to stay aware of my thoughts and feelings, giving myself the chance to choose healthier responses to triggers rather than seeking escape or numbness. I call these “pause points,” and they’re becoming habitual — a very good sign in my recovery.
This mindful awareness has become powerful support for my day-to-day progress. But lately I’ve realized I want to move beyond the familiar “one day at a time” mantra. That mindset is essential in early recovery, but it can’t carry the full weight of a long-term life. The Paulo Coelho quote struck me because I’m not always clear on the second half of the question: if I don’t know where I want to be tomorrow, how can I know whether my choices today are leading me in the right direction?
Recovery52 – Week 19 – Gratitude for Mindfulness
“Gratitude is the ability to experience life as a gift. It liberates us from the prison of self-preoccupation.”
— John Ortberg
In Post #07, I wrote about the pride I felt in noticing difficult moments throughout the day and defusing each one before frustration could accumulate and push me toward escape. This week returns to those themes of mindfulness and self-awareness. I’ve been practicing the habit of paying attention to my feelings and maintaining a rational perspective.
Recovery52 – Week 18 – The Addictive Voice
“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”
— Deepak Chopra
Another solid week in recovery. A good week, really. I’ve had several topics waiting in the wings for this project — often teasing which one might come next — but once again I let last week’s idea simmer and chose to write about something that surfaced unexpectedly yesterday: the subtle, familiar whisper of the addictive voice.
Recovery52 – Week 17 – Now & Then
“Sometimes, we motivate ourselves by thinking of what we want to become. Sometimes, we motivate ourselves by thinking about who we don’t ever want to be again.”
— Shane Niemeyer
This past week has been stable — without stumbles, not even close — but also without any celebratory wins. A recent knee injury has limited my movement and kept me from nature walks. I’ve noticed “triggered” sensations tied to old associations and have let them pass mindfully, without harm. I’ve been a bit more irritable, finding frustration in ordinary moments. I’ve caught myself slipping into cynical thinking — quick judgments, assumptions without facts. But self-awareness has helped me pause, reassess, and reframe my thoughts in more grounded, positive ways. Mindfulness isn’t always easy, but it’s always necessary for my sobriety.
Recovery52 – Week 16 – Being Thankful
“There’s not a drug on earth that can make life meaningful.”
— Unknown
This is not my first time attempting recovery from alcohol abuse. In the past, I tried to do it alone and only managed short periods of abstinence. Later, with outside support, I found recovery groups that gave me tools and connection, and I experienced longer stretches of sobriety. But eventually, the relapses returned — usually because I wanted to numb rather than feel the “pain” I believed my life was causing me.
Recovery52 – Week 14 – Some Valuable YouTube Resources
“It is not from ourselves that we learn to be better than we are.”
— Wendell Berry
Another week moving forward in alcohol abstinence, another week appreciating my sobriety. I am feeling much more confident in this period of recovery — heck, even pride! But I also admit that thoughts of past relapses and withdrawals still bring memories of pain and shame, deserving a cautious observance of my current state in recovery.
Recovery52 – Week 13 – Flexing the Sobriety Muscle
“You can always find a distraction if you're looking for one.”
— Tom Kite
Another week forward in sobriety, and another week appreciating what this sober life is giving me. But it was also a somber, heavy week. I made the difficult decision to pause a possible long-term partnership with a beautiful, kind, loving woman. Partly because I don’t yet feel strong and certain enough in my sobriety, and partly because of the unanswered questions that surfaced:
Recovery52 – Week 12 – Boredom is a Choice
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”
— Socrates
Another week sober. Another week appreciating what sobriety feels like in my body and mind. Last week I thought I would tackle one of my fears, but something else pushed its way to the front again — boredom. Not the mild kind, but the deeper version tied to my history.
Recovery52 – Week 10 – Complacency
“Success requires enough optimism to provide hope and enough pessimism to prevent complacency.” — David Myers
One week past breaking last year’s sobriety record. Friends and family congratulated me, and I felt genuine pride — not the kind that feels shaky or forced, but a real sense of having earned something. It’s a moment worth acknowledging.
But I’ve been here before. Early recovery often brings clarity and confidence, and then — without noticing — overconfidence. I start to feel safe again, almost comfortable, and I let the memory of pain fade. The withdrawals, the guilt, the hiding, the hurt I caused myself and others — all of it drifts into the background. And that’s when complacency creeps in.
Recovery52 – Week 07 – Attention to the Moment
“The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness. Mindfulness means being awake.”
— Jon Kabat-Zinn
This project keeps bringing me back to its purpose: living a sober life with intention — and finding happiness in that choice. This week is steady: no lapses, no desire to be altered. I hiked and photographed, read, worked jigsaw puzzles, planned my days, and exercised. I also minimized social and news media intake. I finally arranged health-care coverage after going without it for a couple of years and completed an at-home sleep apnea test. I’m staying the course; the direction is good.