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Recovery52 – Week 52 – A Finish Line
“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.”
— Aristotle
My 52-week photography and recovery project is complete. I expected to write about the pride of reaching this milestone and the transition to a new photography project—topics I will return to shortly. But life had other plans, and recent events demanded attention first.
A projected winter storm arrived last Saturday morning. I shrugged off the warnings, thinking a couple of “snow days” might be relaxing—an excuse to slow down. The snow came, and at 11:49 a.m., the power went out. At first, it felt almost playful. I pulled out my flashlight and headlamp, bundled up, and let the child-like excitement settle in.
But the outage didn’t last a few hours—it lasted nearly five full days.
Recovery52 – Week 50 – One Year Sober
“Recovery is not simple abstinence. It’s about healing the brain, remembering how to feel, learning how to make good decisions, becoming the kind of person who can engage in healthy relationships, cultivating the willingness to accept help from others, daring to be honest, and opening up to doing.”
— Debra Jay
It is now just over one year into my current recovery effort. New Year’s Day 2024 has passed, and I moved through the holiday season with clear awareness and no hangovers, no memory loss, and no shame—the consequences that once defined my past drinking years. I recognized the familiar people, places, and situations that once triggered escape or celebration, and this year I stayed grounded in sobriety. Crowded spaces, heavy traffic, holiday consumption, noisy media, and polarized voices swirled around me, yet I remained centered.
Recovery52 – Week 44 – Happy Thanksgiving!
“Fear is a question. What are you afraid of and why? Our fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if we explore them.”
— Marilyn French
“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”
— John F. Kennedy
This week’s post opens with two quotes that feel especially relevant to where I am in my recovery. Last week, I committed to beginning deeper work on the fears rooted in my early childhood. That commitment still stands. But with Thanksgiving arriving, it also feels important to pause and acknowledge gratitude—something woven into this holiday from childhood onward.
Recovery52 – Week 36 – Recipe for Recovery
“A joyful life is an individual creation that cannot be copied from a recipe.”
— Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
This has been a good week, with no internal challenges to my sobriety. I’ve been consistent with healthy routines—daily planning and journaling, meditation, and regular workouts at the gym for both mental and physical well-being. I’ve enjoyed beginning each morning with coffee and time spent creatively editing photographs.
Today, I improvised a chicken–vegetable–rice soup, enjoying the quiet of the kitchen and the anticipation of a warm, comforting meal.
Recovery52 – Week 34 – Gratitude for Today
“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”
— John F. Kennedy
Last week, I wrote that I must guard against the two thieves of my present moment: past regrets and future worries. Today became a living reminder of that truth.
Recovery52 – Week 26 – Habit Slipping
“Be forgiving with your past self.
Be strict with your present self.
Be flexible with your future self.”
— James Clear
The quote above is from James Clear’s book Atomic Habits, an excellent read in my opinion. He explains how to build good habits and dismantle bad ones. One of his key ideas is “habit stacking”: connecting a new behavior to an existing habit so the new habit becomes easier to maintain.
Recovery52 – Week 25 – Feeling My Feelings
“We cannot selectively numb emotions; when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
— Brené Brown
Unapologetically, I find myself circling the edges of fear again—resistant to diving straight into the deep. Last week I wrote about exploring the fears that hold me back: fears of hurting myself or others, of being hurt by others, and the very human fear of uncertainty. These fears were shaped over a lifetime, living both in the mind and the body. But this topic requires honesty and vulnerability, and I don’t feel ready to reveal more without additional contemplation and conversations with people I trust.
Recovery52 – Week 23 – Anticipation, Awareness, and Achievement
“It’s not the destination, it's the journey.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
I’m a little late with this week’s post because I spent four days on a road trip with a close friend. The first two days were spent enjoying the scenery, stopping for photos, and sharing good memories. The last two days were the real work: loading a moving truck, driving twelve hours with frequent stops, then unloading everything at the end. Knowing the purpose of the trip would be stressful, we planned a slower start so we could savor the journey before the hard labor began.
The details aren’t necessary here, but the mission was a success. Everything in the California storage unit fit into the U-Haul, we avoided breakdowns and injuries, made it back to Portland on schedule, and we captured some great images from the Northern California Redwoods and coastline.
Recovery52 – Week 19 – Gratitude for Mindfulness
“Gratitude is the ability to experience life as a gift. It liberates us from the prison of self-preoccupation.”
— John Ortberg
In Post #07, I wrote about the pride I felt in noticing difficult moments throughout the day and defusing each one before frustration could accumulate and push me toward escape. This week returns to those themes of mindfulness and self-awareness. I’ve been practicing the habit of paying attention to my feelings and maintaining a rational perspective.
Recovery52 – Week 16 – Being Thankful
“There’s not a drug on earth that can make life meaningful.”
— Unknown
This is not my first time attempting recovery from alcohol abuse. In the past, I tried to do it alone and only managed short periods of abstinence. Later, with outside support, I found recovery groups that gave me tools and connection, and I experienced longer stretches of sobriety. But eventually, the relapses returned — usually because I wanted to numb rather than feel the “pain” I believed my life was causing me.
Recovery52 – Week 15 – Happy Birthday to Me
“Recovery is not simple abstinence. It’s about healing the brain, remembering how to feel, learning how to make good decisions, becoming the kind of person who can engage in healthy relationships, cultivating the willingness to accept help from others, daring to be honest, and opening up to doing.”
— Debra Jay
This week felt like a genuine success — even a reason to celebrate. Tuesday was my 65th birthday, a milestone for many people, and my first truly sober birthday in four years. I fully enjoyed the clarity and steadiness that recovery has given me. For the first time in years, I woke the next morning without a hangover, without shame, without regret. I felt grounded, clear, and hopeful about what lies ahead on this journey.
Recovery52 – Week 14 – Some Valuable YouTube Resources
“It is not from ourselves that we learn to be better than we are.”
— Wendell Berry
Another week moving forward in alcohol abstinence, another week appreciating my sobriety. I am feeling much more confident in this period of recovery — heck, even pride! But I also admit that thoughts of past relapses and withdrawals still bring memories of pain and shame, deserving a cautious observance of my current state in recovery.
Recovery52 – Week 11 – It Was Just A Dream
“The simple truth of things is that bad dreams are far better than bad wakings.”
— Stephen King
Another week forward in sobriety. Last week, I planned to begin exploring some of my fears — broad territory that could easily fill several posts. But something else pushed its way to the front: relapse dreams.
Recovery52 – Week 08 – My Healthy Grounding Habits
“Healthy habits harbor happiness.” — Zero Dean
Last week, I wrote about mindfulness and responding to irritations before they gather into something heavier. This week, I’m turning back to the habits that keep me grounded — my recovery “toolbox.” These aren’t abstract ideas. They’re day-to-day, tangible practices that shape my stability.
Recovery52 – Week 06 – Remind Me Why I'm Doing This?
“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”
— Jim Rohn
My last post ended with the intention of describing the healthy habits and routines that help me stay on the safe path of sobriety. Lately, though, I’ve found myself a bit unfocused — my mind jumping between too many thoughts at once: routine, rigidity, self-trust, fear, uncertainty, anxiety, mindfulness. All important, but overwhelming when they crowd in together. I know I need to slow down.
I confided in a friend that I was feeling low and unsure of my direction. She gently suggested that I return to the purpose of this project — to reconnect with the light and let the heavier reflections wait. Hearing that helped. It was the external reminder I needed.