“By not risking discomfort, you honor stagnation.”
— Paul Colaianni
In last week’s post, I set the intention to look more closely at my avoidant behaviors and evasiveness. Up to this point, many of my reflections have been safe topics—important, yes, but not yet digging into the deeper reasons or emotional damage tied to my history with alcohol. My recovery feels steady and strong today, but I’m aware that lasting change requires more than behavioral adjustments. If I improve my habits but avoid examining the deeper beliefs and emotional patterns that once drove me toward escape and numbing, then the risk of relapse remains.
This week, the concept of defense mechanisms surfaced repeatedly in my reading and reflection. In Freudian terms, defense mechanisms are unconscious strategies that protect us from anxiety, often through distortions of reality. They may shield us from discomfort in the moment, but they also keep us stuck.
As I explored the topic, I found countless lists—five mechanisms, seven, ten, even twenty-five. One helpful overview was written by Paul Colaianni, the author quoted at the start of this post.
I recognize several mechanisms in my own life, especially during active addiction. These are the ones that stand out:
• Denial: I minimized or rejected the idea that alcohol was harming me or others. I pushed away thoughts about my health and convinced myself I could manage it.
• Repression: My adverse childhood experiences left deep fears and patterns. I react strongly to conflict, avoid difficult conversations, and slip quickly into flight mode when my internal alarms go off.
• Distraction: I used pleasant activities—reading, photography, chores—to numb myself instead of addressing problems directly.
• Passive Aggression: I sometimes relied on humor, sarcasm, or cynicism to diffuse tension, but too often it hurt others and left issues unresolved.
Across the sources I explored, several consistent suggestions emerged for working with defense mechanisms:
• Practice mindful awareness when they are triggered, whether the threat is real or imagined.
• Use cognitive-behavioral tools to break old thought patterns and choose healthier responses.
• Ask for help from a therapist or trusted loved ones to identify blind spots and reinforce growth.
I believe meaningful work in this area will make my life and relationships healthier and keep my recovery strong. The path forward involves honesty, vulnerability, breaking old habits of self-protection, and learning healthier ways to cope. I feel fear at this stage, but I also know this work is necessary for true recovery.
Relapse is not an option.