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Recovery52 – Year 2 Anniversary – A Photo Project: Two Years On
“Choosing sobriety opens the door to a journey of discovery: of self, purpose, and true freedom.”
Two years. It feels surreal to type those words, but here I am: two years sober. When I chose sobriety, I thought I was simply choosing to stop drinking. What I didn't realize was that I was opening the door to something much bigger—a journey of discovery: of self, purpose, and true freedom.
Recovery52 – Week 51 – Intent
“Always stay humble and kind.”
— Tim McGraw
In the fall of 2022, I experienced a series of relapses with alcohol. In mid-December, a close friend shared an observation that hit me hard: I had no plan and no goals. She asked what I wanted in life. I had no answer—no rebuttal, no excuses. Her question left me shaken, but at the time I wasn’t ready to face it or do the deeper work required.
I stumbled again just before the end of the year—a hard lapse, a blackout binge. On January 1st of 2023, I woke up miserable, hungover, ashamed, and exhausted by the pattern I kept repeating. That relapse didn’t help me answer what I wanted in life. Instead, as I sobered up, a much clearer question surfaced: “What do I not want in life?”
Recovery52 – Week 49 – Trinkets, Tokens, & Talismans
“Your mind is your invisible talisman. The letters PMA (positive mental attitude) are emblazoned on one side, and NMA (negative mental attitude) on the other. These are powerful forces.”
— W. Clement Stone
I am approaching a full year of complete abstinence from alcohol—nearly twelve months not just of sobriety, but of genuine, intentional recovery. Christmas of 2023 has passed, and I’m proud to say I moved through the holiday season with clear eyes and a steady spirit. No urges, no cravings. Instead, I recognized the people, places, and situations that once would have triggered escape or celebration, and I knew—fully—that I was in control of my thoughts, feelings, and behavior. So yes… yay for me.
This week’s reflection is about a small but meaningful part of my recovery: the growing collection of physical reminders that encourage me forward.
Recovery52 – Week 48 – Praise & Apologies
“Apologies aren’t meant to change the past, they are meant to change the future.”
— Kevin Hancock
Early in this project, while talking with a close friend about the emotional and physical traumas of my childhood, I shared a vow I made long before I had the words for it: I would never hit a woman or harm a child. Given what I had witnessed and endured, this vow felt like a core promise—a line I would never cross.
He responded with something that stayed with me: “You broke the cycle. You didn’t repeat the pattern.”
Recovery52 – Week 47 – Fears and Trust
“You are afraid of letting anyone get close.”
— My sister
This week’s quote isn’t from a book or a public figure. It came from my sister during a phone conversation: “You are afraid of letting anyone get close.” The moment she said it, I felt the truth of it. This is the issue I need to face more directly—one that underlies many of my fears, beliefs, and behaviors.
Recovery52 – Week 42 – My Why
“Fear is the memory of pain. Addiction is the memory of pleasure. Freedom is beyond both.”
— Deepak Chopra
Here I am at Week 42 of this photography project documenting my recovery from alcohol addiction. Forty-two weeks of steady work—self-analysis, self-awareness, and daily practice of healthier skills and habits. I have changed the way I react to external triggers and how I respond to my internal thoughts and feelings. I’m proud that I have not turned to the false comfort of alcohol this year. And still, I know there is more work to do.
Recovery52 – Week 37 – Moving Forward
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”
— Buddha
I’m a couple of days late with this week’s post, missing my self-imposed Thursday deadline. And I’m completely at peace with that. I chose instead to enjoy a road trip through central Washington, traveling part of the Cascade Loop with a good friend. We drove long miles on rural roads, photographed landscapes, and embraced a sense of adventure. A missed deadline was a small price for time well spent.
Recovery52 – Week 31 – Toxic Media Detox
“Don't let the bearers of bad news become the pallbearers of your happiness.”
— Stewart Stafford
My initial thoughts for this week’s post were about revisiting rumination—how dwelling on the past or worrying about the future stirs up shame, regret, and fear. Those imagined monsters can become powerful triggers. But I’ll save that for another post.
Last night, I felt the early stirrings of anger—an emotional rise that reminded me of the kind of mood that once led me toward drinking. It began after I came across a few news headlines that irritated me. Instead of stepping back, I found a recent podcast on the topic, hosted by people I used to find humorous. Within fifteen minutes, I realized my agitation was growing. I shut it off immediately, returned to silence and mindfulness, and eventually shifted into reading for pleasure. I wasn’t close to relapse—I was self-aware.
Recovery52 – Week 30 – My Coping Styles
“Life is not what it’s supposed to be. It’s what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”
— Aleatha Romig, Consequences
As a follow-up to last week’s reflection on defense mechanisms, this week I’ve been thinking about coping mechanisms—what they are, how they function, and the ways I’ve used them in both healthy and unhealthy ways. My goal is to connect past alcohol misuse with ineffective or maladaptive coping strategies while becoming more aware of how I currently respond to stress.
Recovery52 – Week 29 – Defense Mechanisms
“By not risking discomfort, you honor stagnation.”
— Paul Colaianni
In last week’s post, I set the intention to look more closely at my avoidant behaviors and evasiveness. Up to this point, many of my reflections have been safe topics—important, yes, but not yet digging into the deeper reasons or emotional damage tied to my history with alcohol. My recovery feels steady and strong today, but I’m aware that lasting change requires more than behavioral adjustments. If I improve my habits but avoid examining the deeper beliefs and emotional patterns that once drove me toward escape and numbing, then the risk of relapse remains.
Recovery52 – Week 21 – Myopic Recovery
“It is great to be introspective, self-analysis can be useful, but only if it results in action.” — Joe Sacco
I feel solid in my sobriety. But through deeper awareness and the self-inventory work I wrote about last week, I’ve also been feeling a sense of selfishness in how narrowly focused my recovery has been. I’m strong and successful in my abstinence from alcohol. I appreciate the clarity of mind, the physical improvements, and the integrity returning to my life. I feel in control of my addiction.
Yet while my recovery mindset serves me well around alcohol, I can still see echoes of addictive thinking in other parts of my life:
Recovery52 – Week 16 – Being Thankful
“There’s not a drug on earth that can make life meaningful.”
— Unknown
This is not my first time attempting recovery from alcohol abuse. In the past, I tried to do it alone and only managed short periods of abstinence. Later, with outside support, I found recovery groups that gave me tools and connection, and I experienced longer stretches of sobriety. But eventually, the relapses returned — usually because I wanted to numb rather than feel the “pain” I believed my life was causing me.
Recovery52 – Week 13 – Flexing the Sobriety Muscle
“You can always find a distraction if you're looking for one.”
— Tom Kite
Another week forward in sobriety, and another week appreciating what this sober life is giving me. But it was also a somber, heavy week. I made the difficult decision to pause a possible long-term partnership with a beautiful, kind, loving woman. Partly because I don’t yet feel strong and certain enough in my sobriety, and partly because of the unanswered questions that surfaced:
Recovery52 – Week 11 – It Was Just A Dream
“The simple truth of things is that bad dreams are far better than bad wakings.”
— Stephen King
Another week forward in sobriety. Last week, I planned to begin exploring some of my fears — broad territory that could easily fill several posts. But something else pushed its way to the front: relapse dreams.
Recovery52 – Week 10 – Complacency
“Success requires enough optimism to provide hope and enough pessimism to prevent complacency.” — David Myers
One week past breaking last year’s sobriety record. Friends and family congratulated me, and I felt genuine pride — not the kind that feels shaky or forced, but a real sense of having earned something. It’s a moment worth acknowledging.
But I’ve been here before. Early recovery often brings clarity and confidence, and then — without noticing — overconfidence. I start to feel safe again, almost comfortable, and I let the memory of pain fade. The withdrawals, the guilt, the hiding, the hurt I caused myself and others — all of it drifts into the background. And that’s when complacency creeps in.
Recovery52 – Week 09 – A Time to Celebrate
“Celebrate yourself... and stay positive!”
— Khoudia Diop
Eighty days sober. One more than my longest stretch last year — and it feels different this time. The number itself is small, but the meaning behind it carries real weight. Today marks a turning point, not because I’ve crossed some grand threshold, but because I’m seeing myself grow in ways I didn’t trust were possible a year ago.
Recovery52 – Week 02 – Self-Awareness
“Until you take the journey of self-reflection, it is almost impossible to grow or learn in life.” — Iyanla Vanzant
In last week’s reflection on change, I wrote about how transformation begins with intention. This week, I turn toward self-awareness — the ongoing practice of knowing myself honestly, without the filters of old stories or defenses.
Recovery52 – Week 0 – The Beginning of Intention
“Intention sets a conscious direction; motivation sustains our drive in that direction.”
The last couple of weeks have been a haze, and I’m still trying to steady myself. I need something to hold onto, even something small. So I’m starting a 52-week photo project — one picture a week and a few lines about how things are going while I try to stay sober.
I don’t have much clarity yet. I just know I need some structure and a reason to keep paying attention. Maybe this will help. Maybe it won’t. But it’s something I can try.
So this is the beginning. One week at a time.