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Belonging
I stopped at a Mexican restaurant for a late lunch and settled into a quiet corner table. At first, I noticed a lot of voices coming from the bar area. I assumed it was a large work group gathering after lunch. Then the room erupted into cheering and applause. A few minutes later it happened again. Looking around, I realized the FIFA World Cup had begun.
For a brief moment, my attention shifted to the bar…
Chasing Approval, Finding Alignment
I’ve had some recent conversations with people from my past. Nothing heavy or confrontational. Just reconnecting. In those moments, I became more aware of how I had shown up before—where I caused harm, where I avoided responsibility, where I didn’t see clearly.
It wasn’t painful in the way it might have been years ago. It was honest recognition. A willingness to accept that those parts of my history are mine, without reframing or defending them. Without expecting forgiveness.
That awareness carried into this morning, where a simple thought came into focus.
Harm Reduction Is a Beginning — Not the Destination
My Recovery Perspective on Harm Reduction
I believe in harm reduction.
If someone is overdosing, you reverse it. If someone is sharing contaminated needles, you reduce infection. If someone is at risk tonight, you reduce the chance they die tonight. Survival matters.
A Year of Learning to See Clearly
Reflections from My First Year of Recovery
When I began my first year of recovery, my goal wasn’t to write a book. It was simply to stay sober.
Each week, I wrote a short reflection and paired it with a photograph from that same stretch of days. The writing helped me think clearly. The images helped me slow down. Over time, those 52 entries became a record of what that first year truly looked and felt like.
I’ve now gathered them into One Week at a Time: A Year of Learning to See Clearly and Live Soberly, available on Kindle.
Recovery52 – Year 2 Anniversary – A Photo Project: Two Years On
“Choosing sobriety opens the door to a journey of discovery: of self, purpose, and true freedom.”
Two years. It feels surreal to type those words, but here I am: two years sober. When I chose sobriety, I thought I was simply choosing to stop drinking. What I didn't realize was that I was opening the door to something much bigger—a journey of discovery: of self, purpose, and true freedom.
Recovery52 – Week 52 – A Finish Line
“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.”
— Aristotle
My 52-week photography and recovery project is complete. I expected to write about the pride of reaching this milestone and the transition to a new photography project—topics I will return to shortly. But life had other plans, and recent events demanded attention first.
A projected winter storm arrived last Saturday morning. I shrugged off the warnings, thinking a couple of “snow days” might be relaxing—an excuse to slow down. The snow came, and at 11:49 a.m., the power went out. At first, it felt almost playful. I pulled out my flashlight and headlamp, bundled up, and let the child-like excitement settle in.
But the outage didn’t last a few hours—it lasted nearly five full days.
Recovery52 – Week 51 – Intent
“Always stay humble and kind.”
— Tim McGraw
In the fall of 2022, I experienced a series of relapses with alcohol. In mid-December, a close friend shared an observation that hit me hard: I had no plan and no goals. She asked what I wanted in life. I had no answer—no rebuttal, no excuses. Her question left me shaken, but at the time I wasn’t ready to face it or do the deeper work required.
I stumbled again just before the end of the year—a hard lapse, a blackout binge. On January 1st of 2023, I woke up miserable, hungover, ashamed, and exhausted by the pattern I kept repeating. That relapse didn’t help me answer what I wanted in life. Instead, as I sobered up, a much clearer question surfaced: “What do I not want in life?”
Recovery52 – Week 50 – One Year Sober
“Recovery is not simple abstinence. It’s about healing the brain, remembering how to feel, learning how to make good decisions, becoming the kind of person who can engage in healthy relationships, cultivating the willingness to accept help from others, daring to be honest, and opening up to doing.”
— Debra Jay
It is now just over one year into my current recovery effort. New Year’s Day 2024 has passed, and I moved through the holiday season with clear awareness and no hangovers, no memory loss, and no shame—the consequences that once defined my past drinking years. I recognized the familiar people, places, and situations that once triggered escape or celebration, and this year I stayed grounded in sobriety. Crowded spaces, heavy traffic, holiday consumption, noisy media, and polarized voices swirled around me, yet I remained centered.
Recovery52 – Week 49 – Trinkets, Tokens, & Talismans
“Your mind is your invisible talisman. The letters PMA (positive mental attitude) are emblazoned on one side, and NMA (negative mental attitude) on the other. These are powerful forces.”
— W. Clement Stone
I am approaching a full year of complete abstinence from alcohol—nearly twelve months not just of sobriety, but of genuine, intentional recovery. Christmas of 2023 has passed, and I’m proud to say I moved through the holiday season with clear eyes and a steady spirit. No urges, no cravings. Instead, I recognized the people, places, and situations that once would have triggered escape or celebration, and I knew—fully—that I was in control of my thoughts, feelings, and behavior. So yes… yay for me.
This week’s reflection is about a small but meaningful part of my recovery: the growing collection of physical reminders that encourage me forward.
Recovery52 – Week 48 – Praise & Apologies
“Apologies aren’t meant to change the past, they are meant to change the future.”
— Kevin Hancock
Early in this project, while talking with a close friend about the emotional and physical traumas of my childhood, I shared a vow I made long before I had the words for it: I would never hit a woman or harm a child. Given what I had witnessed and endured, this vow felt like a core promise—a line I would never cross.
He responded with something that stayed with me: “You broke the cycle. You didn’t repeat the pattern.”
Recovery52 – Week 47 – Fears and Trust
“You are afraid of letting anyone get close.”
— My sister
This week’s quote isn’t from a book or a public figure. It came from my sister during a phone conversation: “You are afraid of letting anyone get close.” The moment she said it, I felt the truth of it. This is the issue I need to face more directly—one that underlies many of my fears, beliefs, and behaviors.
Recovery52 – Week 46 – Seeking Truth
“All too often we’re filled with negative and limiting beliefs. We’re filled with doubt. We’re filled with guilt or with a sense of unworthiness. We have a lot of assumptions about the way the world is that are actually wrong.”
— Jack Canfield
In last week’s post, I committed to staying mindful when negative and limiting beliefs surface—to pause, reflect, identify their source, and question their truth and usefulness. My intention was, and still is, to challenge the beliefs that continue to influence me today.
Recovery52 – Week 45 – Challenging Limiting Beliefs
“One of the hardest expressions of self-assertiveness is challenging your limiting beliefs.”
— Nathaniel Branden
Last week, I shared several early Adverse Childhood Experiences that shaped my core fears and beliefs. Since then, without adding anything new to the list, I’ve been reflecting on how those early experiences—and others throughout my life—have influenced my growth, my behavior, and my relationships.
Recovery52 – Week 44 – Happy Thanksgiving!
“Fear is a question. What are you afraid of and why? Our fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if we explore them.”
— Marilyn French
“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”
— John F. Kennedy
This week’s post opens with two quotes that feel especially relevant to where I am in my recovery. Last week, I committed to beginning deeper work on the fears rooted in my early childhood. That commitment still stands. But with Thanksgiving arriving, it also feels important to pause and acknowledge gratitude—something woven into this holiday from childhood onward.
Recovery52 – Week 43 – Pick Up The Shovel
“If one is estranged from oneself, then one is estranged from others too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others.”
— Anne Morrow Lindbergh
In preparing to write this week’s post—and following last week’s intention to dig deeper into the roots of my substance abuse and long-standing patterns—I reread every post I’ve written so far. I’m proud of the progress I’ve made: the sobriety I’ve held, the growth I’ve earned, and the consistency of this photography project.
But rereading also made something unmistakably clear: I’ve been staying safe.
Recovery52 – Week 42 – My Why
“Fear is the memory of pain. Addiction is the memory of pleasure. Freedom is beyond both.”
— Deepak Chopra
Here I am at Week 42 of this photography project documenting my recovery from alcohol addiction. Forty-two weeks of steady work—self-analysis, self-awareness, and daily practice of healthier skills and habits. I have changed the way I react to external triggers and how I respond to my internal thoughts and feelings. I’m proud that I have not turned to the false comfort of alcohol this year. And still, I know there is more work to do.
Recovery52 – Week 41 – Not This Time
“Learn from the past, prepare for the future, live in the present.”
— Thomas S. Monson
Last week, I wrote about a major shift in my recovery journey—my therapist moving on and the sudden need to continue forward without that familiar pillar of support. At the time, I felt grounded and confident in the strength I’ve built.
This week, though, something quieter surfaced. A small current of apprehension rose up when I was reminded of the upcoming time change—the clocks rolling back, mornings growing colder, evenings stretching darker. The feeling was subtle but persistent. Instead of brushing it aside, I chose to explore it.
Recovery52 – Week 40 – Transitions
“A man's pride can be his downfall, and he needs to learn when to turn to others for support and guidance.”
— Bear Grylls
This week brought unexpected change in my recovery support network. After more than ten months of consistent, steady work with a therapist who helped me rebuild my life, I received an email letting me know he would be leaving the practice. We would have only one more session together. I sat in my car for a long time after reading the message, letting the weight of it settle.
Recovery52 – Week 39 – Trash Talking
“To leave the world better than you found it, sometimes you have to pick up other people’s trash.”
— Bill Nye
Last week, I wrote about the need to go deeper in my recovery. I’m confident and comfortable in my sobriety and in the healthy habits that support it. But I also know that I continue to react to events with old thought patterns—beliefs and emotional imprints formed long ago. These often lead to unhelpful or unhealthy reactions, what can fairly be called maladaptive behaviors.
This week, I’m using the SMART Recovery ABC tool, based in cognitive behavioral therapy, to examine and adjust my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It helps uncover the beliefs behind emotional reactions and guides healthier responses. This ABC activity is very useful as a post-mortem to examine past events, learn from them, and be prepared for future events.
Recovery52 – Week 38 – Boarded Up
“Character isn't inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts, thought by thought, action by action. If one lets fear or hate or anger take possession of the mind, they become self-forged chains.”
— Helen Gahagan Douglas
Last week, I wrote about the need to go deeper in my recovery. I’m confident in my sobriety and in the healthy habits that support it, but I also know that I still react to life with old beliefs and emotional patterns formed long ago. Those patterns often lead to unhealthy, unhelpful reactions—maladaptive behaviors that no longer serve me. The photo I chose this week, with its boarded-up windows, is a metaphor for how I sometimes shut out the world.
I stopped at a Mexican restaurant for a late lunch and settled into a quiet corner table. At first, I noticed a lot of voices coming from the bar area. I assumed it was a large work group gathering after lunch. Then the room erupted into cheering and applause. A few minutes later it happened again. Looking around, I realized the FIFA World Cup had begun.
For a brief moment, my attention shifted to the bar…