“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves — regret for the past and fear of the future.”
— Fulton Oursler
With more than eight months in sobriety and thirty-three weeks into this photography project, I continue to find peace and clarity in daily life—peace and clarity I did not have when I was drinking, especially during periods of heavy use. After stumbling out of my last hard binge, carrying the painful memories of prior lapses, the knowledge of how I hurt others, and the growing realization that my life had lost meaning, I resolved to end that way of living.
With my own intention, and with the support of family, friends, and the wealth of resources available for people dealing with alcohol misuse, I’ve developed habits and routines that support ongoing growth. Caring for my body and mind, and strengthening my self-awareness, have become pillars of my recovery. When old thought patterns begin to surface, I can pause, recognize what’s happening, and choose how to respond to any urges that arise.
A major theme in my drinking history was anxiety—being caught between remorse and regret over the past and worry about the future. That split focus often led me toward avoidance and unhealthy coping. Today, my practice of mindfulness helps me catch myself when I drift into those old patterns. I can recognize when my mind begins to wander into what was or what might be, pulling me away from the present moment.
It’s useful, even necessary, to look backward for learning and to look forward for planning. But being consumed with regrets about a past that cannot be changed, or fears about a future that may never unfold, is both exhausting and damaging.
In service to myself and my sobriety, I must continue guarding against these two thieves of the present: past and future.