Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future. - Fulton Oursler
Day 248 AF.
With over eight months into this sobriety effort and thirty-three weeks into this photography project, I continue to find peace and wisdom in everyday living. A peace and wisdom that I did not possess when I was routinely drinking, particularly when drinking heavily. After stumbling out of my last hard binge, with the painful memories of prior lapses, the knowledge of the hurt I inflicted on others, the harm I was doing to myself, and the realization that my life was essentially without meaning, I resolved to end that way of life.
With intention on my part, with the support of family and friends, time with a good therapist, and the multitude of media resources and programs addressing "alcoholism", I have developed habits and routines that support my forward growth. Attention to my mind and body fitness, and improved self-awareness, have become pillars of my sobriety. Recognizing when old thought patterns begin to take hold allows me to pause and examine my thoughts and feelings, the opportunity to choose a healthy response to "triggers" that may arise.
A strong and frequent issue in my drinking history was anxiety from being caught up in regrets about the past and being spun up in worries about the future. Anxieties at a level that led me to choose avoidant behaviors. I am much better now with the practice of mindfulness at recognizing when I am being pulled into thoughts of the past or the future, pulling me away from my moments of living now. I think it makes sense to look backward for learning experiences and to look forward to goals as necessary on the journey. But to be consumed with thoughts of a past that can't be changed or of fears of things that may never happen is emotionally and cognitively exhausting.
In service to myself and my sobriety, I must remember to guard against the two thieves of my now .... past and future!
If my writings in this photography project can benefit anyone in their recovery, I am proud to be of service!
Staying mindful and strong!
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