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Recovery52 – Week 17 – Now & Then
“Sometimes, we motivate ourselves by thinking of what we want to become. Sometimes, we motivate ourselves by thinking about who we don’t ever want to be again.”
— Shane Niemeyer
This past week has been stable — without stumbles, not even close — but also without any celebratory wins. A recent knee injury has limited my movement and kept me from nature walks. I’ve noticed “triggered” sensations tied to old associations and have let them pass mindfully, without harm. I’ve been a bit more irritable, finding frustration in ordinary moments. I’ve caught myself slipping into cynical thinking — quick judgments, assumptions without facts. But self-awareness has helped me pause, reassess, and reframe my thoughts in more grounded, positive ways. Mindfulness isn’t always easy, but it’s always necessary for my sobriety.
Recovery52 – Week 16 – Being Thankful
“There’s not a drug on earth that can make life meaningful.”
— Unknown
This is not my first time attempting recovery from alcohol abuse. In the past, I tried to do it alone and only managed short periods of abstinence. Later, with outside support, I found recovery groups that gave me tools and connection, and I experienced longer stretches of sobriety. But eventually, the relapses returned — usually because I wanted to numb rather than feel the “pain” I believed my life was causing me.
Recovery52 – Week 15 – Happy Birthday to Me
“Recovery is not simple abstinence. It’s about healing the brain, remembering how to feel, learning how to make good decisions, becoming the kind of person who can engage in healthy relationships, cultivating the willingness to accept help from others, daring to be honest, and opening up to doing.”
— Debra Jay
This week felt like a genuine success — even a reason to celebrate. Tuesday was my 65th birthday, a milestone for many people, and my first truly sober birthday in four years. I fully enjoyed the clarity and steadiness that recovery has given me. For the first time in years, I woke the next morning without a hangover, without shame, without regret. I felt grounded, clear, and hopeful about what lies ahead on this journey.
Recovery52 – Week 14 – Some Valuable YouTube Resources
“It is not from ourselves that we learn to be better than we are.”
— Wendell Berry
Another week moving forward in alcohol abstinence, another week appreciating my sobriety. I am feeling much more confident in this period of recovery — heck, even pride! But I also admit that thoughts of past relapses and withdrawals still bring memories of pain and shame, deserving a cautious observance of my current state in recovery.
Recovery52 – Week 13 – Flexing the Sobriety Muscle
“You can always find a distraction if you're looking for one.”
— Tom Kite
Another week forward in sobriety, and another week appreciating what this sober life is giving me. But it was also a somber, heavy week. I made the difficult decision to pause a possible long-term partnership with a beautiful, kind, loving woman. Partly because I don’t yet feel strong and certain enough in my sobriety, and partly because of the unanswered questions that surfaced:
Recovery52 – Week 12 – Boredom is a Choice
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”
— Socrates
Another week sober. Another week appreciating what sobriety feels like in my body and mind. Last week I thought I would tackle one of my fears, but something else pushed its way to the front again — boredom. Not the mild kind, but the deeper version tied to my history.
Recovery52 – Week 11 – It Was Just A Dream
“The simple truth of things is that bad dreams are far better than bad wakings.”
— Stephen King
Another week forward in sobriety. Last week, I planned to begin exploring some of my fears — broad territory that could easily fill several posts. But something else pushed its way to the front: relapse dreams.
Recovery52 – Week 10 – Complacency
“Success requires enough optimism to provide hope and enough pessimism to prevent complacency.” — David Myers
One week past breaking last year’s sobriety record. Friends and family congratulated me, and I felt genuine pride — not the kind that feels shaky or forced, but a real sense of having earned something. It’s a moment worth acknowledging.
But I’ve been here before. Early recovery often brings clarity and confidence, and then — without noticing — overconfidence. I start to feel safe again, almost comfortable, and I let the memory of pain fade. The withdrawals, the guilt, the hiding, the hurt I caused myself and others — all of it drifts into the background. And that’s when complacency creeps in.
Recovery52 – Week 09 – A Time to Celebrate
“Celebrate yourself... and stay positive!”
— Khoudia Diop
Eighty days sober. One more than my longest stretch last year — and it feels different this time. The number itself is small, but the meaning behind it carries real weight. Today marks a turning point, not because I’ve crossed some grand threshold, but because I’m seeing myself grow in ways I didn’t trust were possible a year ago.
Recovery52 – Week 08 – My Healthy Grounding Habits
“Healthy habits harbor happiness.” — Zero Dean
Last week, I wrote about mindfulness and responding to irritations before they gather into something heavier. This week, I’m turning back to the habits that keep me grounded — my recovery “toolbox.” These aren’t abstract ideas. They’re day-to-day, tangible practices that shape my stability.
Recovery52 – Week 07 – Attention to the Moment
“The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness. Mindfulness means being awake.”
— Jon Kabat-Zinn
This project keeps bringing me back to its purpose: living a sober life with intention — and finding happiness in that choice. This week is steady: no lapses, no desire to be altered. I hiked and photographed, read, worked jigsaw puzzles, planned my days, and exercised. I also minimized social and news media intake. I finally arranged health-care coverage after going without it for a couple of years and completed an at-home sleep apnea test. I’m staying the course; the direction is good.
Recovery52 – Week 06 – Remind Me Why I'm Doing This?
“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”
— Jim Rohn
My last post ended with the intention of describing the healthy habits and routines that help me stay on the safe path of sobriety. Lately, though, I’ve found myself a bit unfocused — my mind jumping between too many thoughts at once: routine, rigidity, self-trust, fear, uncertainty, anxiety, mindfulness. All important, but overwhelming when they crowd in together. I know I need to slow down.
I confided in a friend that I was feeling low and unsure of my direction. She gently suggested that I return to the purpose of this project — to reconnect with the light and let the heavier reflections wait. Hearing that helped. It was the external reminder I needed.
Recovery52 – Week 05 – Serious Recovery ... This Time!
“My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life doesn’t have to come last.” — Anonymous
At the end of last week, I thought I might write about the routines that keep me grounded, but as this week unfolded, my reflections returned to something deeper: the seriousness of my commitment to recovery and why it matters.
Recovery52 – Week 04 – Perspective & Choice
“Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” — Roy T. Bennett
At the end of last week, I thought I might continue exploring the tools I use to separate reaction from response, but as this week unfolded, my reflections kept returning to something deeper: how perspective shapes the choices I see — and the ones I believe I have.
Recovery52 – Week 03 – Reaction vs Response
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor E. Frankl
Last week, I thought I would write about relapse, but as this week unfolds, my reflections are pulling me toward something more immediate: the space between reaction and response.
Recovery52 – Week 02 – Self-Awareness
“Until you take the journey of self-reflection, it is almost impossible to grow or learn in life.” — Iyanla Vanzant
In last week’s reflection on change, I wrote about how transformation begins with intention. This week, I turn toward self-awareness — the ongoing practice of knowing myself honestly, without the filters of old stories or defenses.
Recovery52 – Week 01 – Change
“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” — Jim Rohn
This first post marks the true beginning of my Recovery52 journey — an honest look at my substance abuse, my missteps, and the healing I’m trying to work toward.
The project is meant to share my thoughts, experiences, and emotions — the hardest things for me to express — through weekly posts and photographs that capture what resonates most in each moment. These reflections serve as both personal therapy and, I hope, a source of encouragement for others in recovery.
Recovery52 – Week 0 – The Beginning of Intention
“Intention sets a conscious direction; motivation sustains our drive in that direction.”
The last couple of weeks have been a haze, and I’m still trying to steady myself. I need something to hold onto, even something small. So I’m starting a 52-week photo project — one picture a week and a few lines about how things are going while I try to stay sober.
I don’t have much clarity yet. I just know I need some structure and a reason to keep paying attention. Maybe this will help. Maybe it won’t. But it’s something I can try.
So this is the beginning. One week at a time.